Solomon Krygier-Paine – Lethbridge

solomon

Solly KP lives in the dense riparian of the Lethbridge Coulee, subsisting off a variety of fauna. Little is known about this rare individual, usually only appearing for a ritual cleansing at the Owl Acoustic’s Open Mic Comedy Nights. It is rumored that he is obtaining a degree in anthropology, but his fascination with humans is uncertain. Solly KP tends to mate in the early spring to midsummer season. Typical mating rituals consist of playing the piano loudly and offerings of ice cream vouchers. When encountering Solly KP, it is important to keep your distance, as he may ask for political donations or bus fare. Current projections by the WWA suggest that Solly KP may be extinct as early as 2050, provided he retains his ramen-based diet.

Platform:

Economics:

– Canada needs to exit the English monarchy and join the Saudi Arabian monarchy, so that it can join OPEC
– The Rhinoceros party stands firm in its commitment to eliminating deficits in Canada and every other country in the world, just in case
– We need to switch our currency from the Canadian Dollar to the Royal Canadian Balloon, so that we can control inflation

Environment:

– The Rhinoceros Party will eliminate all carbon taxes to encourage global warming. Once Canada has become a savanna, the mighty rhinoceros might once again roam the plains of Canada.
– All snow needs to be taken from Alberta and placed in Saskatchewan, where there’s space.

Moral Issues:

– Gay marriage should be compulsory. More information on this can be found in Official Rhino Gay Agendas.
– No Canadian should knock on abortions until they try them.
– Marijuana should be sold in the exact same manner as alcohol and tobacco – to teenagers behind the 7/11.

Misc.:

– Canada’s two official languages should be changed to English and Hopi.
– An annual tribute of 3 child sacrifices should be given to Gorgoth the Destroyer, to prevent consumption of Pincher Creek
– Should the Rhino party be elected, everyone in Canada will be given one free Lay’s chip, out of the Canadian Pension Plan. Then, all Rhino Party MPs will be compelled to resign.

ISIS:

– ISIS is scary! If you don’t elect the Rhino party, they’ll probably do something bad! Let your fear of people on another continent be the sole decider of your vote! Boo!

Email: sollykp@gmail.com

Official campaign video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfjCYslnz10

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